Are you full of despair and emptiness? Has life lost its meaning for you and no one could understand your feelings? Do you think there is no future without your loved one? It is possible, if you feel this way that you are suffering from what is often called normal reactive depression. You are frustrated and reacting because something or someone you hold dear is gone.

We are not talking about clinical or biochemical depression here, although reactive depression can progress to the clinical type. Depression caused by the loss of a loved one usually does not require medication, although it is prescribed in some cases, and is temporarily helpful. Here is what you need to know.

1. Not everyone becomes depressed after the death of a loved one. It is completely normal not to suffer from depression because you have to deal with it. However, after the death of a loved one, thoughts and situations often lead to loneliness and resulting depression, which occurs early in grief. It is characterized by disorientation, little motivation, altered self-esteem, lack of meaning, decreased functioning in one’s social circle, restlessness, and low energy.

2. If you are depressed, admit it. Describe it in detail, where it hurts, how it feels. “What message or messages are these feelings giving me?” It is an important question that must be addressed. What do I need to accept? to leave? Refusal to accept the loss is often a root cause of depression. Depending on what you think about your depression will lead to choices that help you either manage it or prolong it.

3. Talk to your best friend. Remember, the more you isolate yourself – which is what depression tends to do – the greater the emotional and physical stress. Saying how you really feel (especially what you fear and how angry you are) to someone you trust yourself with is an excellent antidote for your grief and dealing with depression. Forgiving yourself and others will also relieve you of feelings of depression.

4. Use a universal cure for depression: exercise. Physical activity will have an effect on brain chemistry and help manage depression. Take a 10-15 minute walk, preferably with someone. This will activate endorphins and influence mood.

5. Find a symbol of comfort and guidance. Create a symbol that will bring back loving memories of the person who passed and/or your greater strength that was with you at all times and will help you through your great loss. Keep the symbol in a place where you will see it often and use it as a cue to reflect on loving memories – and to accept life’s new circumstances.

6. Do deep negative beliefs (I can’t go on alone, I’m being punished, I’ll never feel better, I’m worthless, etc.) increase your depression? Reclaim your strength. Take it back from those beliefs that say you are less, not more. I think you can get better. Make contrasting affirmations and keep repeating them throughout the day.

7. Start learning how to tolerate uncertainty. This can be achieved by turning to your spiritual and symbolic beliefs. You will increase your options by allowing your spiritual beliefs to guide you and by strengthening your belief that you will get through this painful loss. Learn what you can and cannot control. You control how you handle major changes; You can’t control what other people say and do or what actually happened.

8. Let possibility educate you to get out of depression. Here is where your imagination can help in a very positive way. Are you open to exploring the many options available for dealing with loss? Start learning about it from others, support groups, readers, and experts. By creating options to deal with fear, anger, guilt, and negative thoughts, you can change your view of what lies ahead.

9. Check your eating habits and whether you have an amino acid deficiency. Consuming protein in all three meals can affect your neurotransmitters and energy levels. Reduce carbohydrates (not complex carbohydrates), sugar, alcohol and fast food consumption, and increase fruits and vegetables. The way you feel physically will either make your depression worse or worse.

Whenever you feel depression creeping back in, immediately ask yourself this key question, “What are my choices here?” If you bury your feelings and don’t face them, depression is a common outcome.

Refuse to withdraw from life. Make connections and express your feelings to a support group or to your best friend. If your symptoms of depression persist for more than two months, be sure to consult a professional counselor. You can move past this dark and light by taking action early (don’t wait for it to get worse) to deal with these overwhelming feelings.